30/12/2013
長句子的特別注意事項 (2)
上期談到寫長句子首重句子的各組成部分關係要清晰。今日再講講兩個寫長句子要特別注意的事項——簡潔(Concise)和平衡(Parallel)。
簡潔(Concise)
句子本身已經長,更不要加上無關痛癢的字詞,使句子長上加長。若果字眼無助豐富句子含意或達到修辭效果,就不要也罷,最常見有“the fact that”。例如:
Owing to the fact that the production cost has increased substantially in China, we have decided to relocate our factory.
“Owing to the fact that”可改用單字“Since”或“Because”。
又例如:
The fact that the products did not arrive on time has led to a series of complaints.
可改為The late arrival of the products has led to a series of complaints.
另外,肯定句比否定句簡潔,主動句也比被動句簡短。例如:
Please be reminded not to submit your report later than this Friday.
改為:
Please remember to submit your report by this Friday.
平衡(Parallel)
除了措辭,句子結構亦有助表達意思。在一句子中,要並列對比兩個或三個想法,最好選擇相同的語法表達,形成對偶工整的結構,突顯對比之餘,使句子讀起來更暢順,更易於理解。因為句子的某些部分共通,排比結構還可以減少重複,令句子更簡潔。例如:
Cycling is merely a type of leisure activities for most people, but it is for some people an obsession.
前半部的結構是Cycling is xxx for xxx,後半部也用it is xxx for xxx.較易懂,重複的people亦同時省掉。因此,這句應該寫成:
Cycling is merely a type of leisure activities for most people, but it is an obsession for some.
再舉一例:
The investors called the proposal avant-garde because of its supreme creativity, but it is too luxurious to be realistic.
可以改為對稱平衡的結構:
The investors called the proposal avant-garde because of its supreme creativity, but unrealistic because of its extreme luxury.
當然不是每句句子都可以寫得工整對稱,但可以的話,將句子前後部分寫得平衡對稱、形成既定的模式,讀起來一定更暢順。
最後,留意避免句子過長,囉嗦迂迴的句子一定難懂,太長就應該考慮分句,令句子更加清晰易明。
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